dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
