Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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