You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
