It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
