he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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