I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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