is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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