Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
