Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
