i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize