The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
