One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
