All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
