Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
