Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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