I feel great
I just peed on a car
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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