Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
