Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
