this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize