It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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