I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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