he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
