i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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