Just fell off a train. Bad.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
