I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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