did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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