Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
