Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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