What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
