i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
