Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
