Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
