I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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