the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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