Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
