i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
