it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
