last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
