he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
