peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
