How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
