The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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