Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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