you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
