Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
