If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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