I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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