New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
