you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize