Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She even gives head with a lisp.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
