he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
