I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
