Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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