Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
