there's paper in my vomit.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
