I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
