Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
