Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
