I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Randomize
