From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize