Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize