Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
PANTIES FOUND
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