i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
