apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
