can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
