You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
