I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
and you fell through a lawn chair
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
