I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
