I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
