I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It was like getting head from an anaconda
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
