I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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