Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
