Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's shark week go big or go home
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
