i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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