Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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