i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
