you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
