why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
