Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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