Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
