I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
