Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
so let's talk penis.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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