so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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