im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
