IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Everyone says I win the strip club
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
