1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
