Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
