So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize