I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
