I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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