I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
