That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
