I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
