I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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