is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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