i think i have herpe
just one?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
