how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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