you guys were way drunker than both of me
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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