If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
