He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
