When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
