You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
