Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
