I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
