my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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