the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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