Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
