I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
