Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
its not stalking. its research.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
