Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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