Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
