So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
