Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
