This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
