I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize