The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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