Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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