All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
