I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm too high and old for this...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
