my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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