I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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