He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
