I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
