somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
