last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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