Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize